The New Year. “New Year New You”. Blank Canvas. Write a New Book. How many of these clichés have come across your Newsfeed or Inbox (or maybe are even written in your journal right now) over the last week or so? For me, the last day of 2014 is not a cliché, the New Year is not a “new me” it’s becoming the REAL me.
2014 has been a roller coaster ride to say the least. I’ve had proud moments, I’ve had success, I’ve had support, I’ve created results… I also broke down, was betrayed and broken, felt sorry for myself, felt less than worthy, was alone, questioned everything that I work for, considered giving up, dug a hole and fell right in. I let all of my outside sources make decisions on how I should feel and react to situations in my life. Comparison and Jealousy made me question every single thing I did in my business and my fitness (let me tell you comparison is a Bitch that should never be let out of her cage). I let that “you must set goals and work your ass off to reach them” mentality control everything I did. When those “goals” began to fall apart, I broke down and just gave up. I wanted to close the door and forget everything that happened in 2014 and just start fresh until I read this blog from Rachel at Hands Free Mama.
2014 was a test… A test that I needed to look in the mirror and make clear decisions on what I wanted, and where I wanted to go and how I wanted to FEEL. Not just making lists of things that I “should” have or do because someone else suggests that it’s a good idea. This may be contradictory to SO many things out there that we read, but 2014 had me setting those “crazy cool oh my gosh if only THIS would happen” goals, but why? Why were they “crazy cool” and what would I really gain from them when they were achieved? A sense of accomplishment? Some recognition? The ability to “rub shoulders” with those that I spent countless hours comparing myself to? Or would the negativity that I would feel when they weren’t achieved break me down even further? It was a test. It was a test that I had to break through those barriers and realize that the negativity of missing something was not worth writing it down on paper “just because”. It was a test to say, you want something in life, you better know why and how it makes you feel, and what it really does for YOU and your family. It was a test to look in the mirror and say, no one controls your heart, and your heart cannot change someone else. It was time to create a mantra…
2014 is a roller coaster that I don’t ever want to stand in line to ride ever again, but it had a lesson at the end. I held on for dear life, became so much stronger and I’m walking away with the “dirt under my nails”. 2015 isn’t about the New Me, or Writing a New Book. 2015 is when I am true to myself, be calm and listen to my inner Soul Sister, ask for help when I need guidance, and write my story because of how I want the story to fill my heart, not because it’s “crazy cool”.